That Selfish Thread That Ruins

I regret my every selfish act. It is so insidious how the motive slips in. Sometimes I don’t want to rub my wife’s shoulders because my own have not been rubbed in a while despite the fact they do not ache.

The temptation is to look for relief from my discomfort, and perceived injustice in the temporal. This is the genuine and honest metastasization of the cancer selfishness, as a child of God, I have access to the limitless resource that is Christ himself.

Can a man go into obscurity in the interest of shedding one’s selfishness? Can I never again feel the pang of frustration and resentment when the selfishness raises my blood pressure? Can I know it and bear it like the cross that calls to me daily?

When my children ask me again for another glass of water after going to bed; when 15 minutes before they got up to ask me what I was watching and before that to go to the bathroom, then again to tell me they were hot. That selfishness bubbles up from the ground seeps into the souls of my feet and fills the cavities in my body. The real tragedy would be to act on it.

I have acted on it many times. Resentful glances, sly cutting remarks that are tailored to assassinate the countenance of a particular person; these have been my stinger and claws. The temptation is to look for relief from my discomfort, and perceived injustice in the temporal. This is the genuine and honest metastasization of the cancer selfishness, as a child of God, I have access to the limitless resource that is Christ himself. I desperately want to be pleased by the mud pies and murky waters of satiated cravings rather than the infinite Glory of God’s “well done my good and faithful servant.” My reward is Christ himself; my pleasure is his embrace and the fruits of his character and spirit. This is the only truly trustworthy metric for life success in fatherhood, career, and marriage.

NOTE: Selfishness is very different from self care

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