Joy is the Tip of the Spear

Sleep can be like a hole that you are shoved down into. Some sleep feels like rest that leaves you refreshed while others is a craggy womb whose end is like the opening of a clamshell leaving your soft exposed interior ready for the day but still soft and very exposed. The day washes over you and though it is still dark out and a tennis court calls your son to it though he is …

Time Frames

I settled in pressing my tired body against the cool leather padded with the shapes of loved ones. The chair accepted and bestowed its gift of rest. It had been a rough day full of shining examples of human frailty and finitude. I had been asked about time frames. What does anyone expect from a question about time frames? “How long will it take?” Person A asks. Person B thinks for a moment, about what? …

Throw Another Boot on The Fire

The more code you write, the more buildings you build, the more children you raise, the more decisions you make, the more responsibility you are given, and the more exposure to things going terribly wrong you have. This is undeniable. Sometimes you do a good job for years and something you either missed or neglected for any number of human reasons goes boom. What is it that we should do about the other boot when …

Accept The Problems

In this world, there will be trouble and cortisol. Cortisol is the body’s main stress hormone, liquid alarm. Cortisol is not all bad. You need it to be strong, and to produce energy in a pinch. What if you just produce it all the time though? Well then you have a real problem, don’t you? Have you ever tried to sleep while a fire alarm is going off? Cortisol is just physical though. Yet our …

Dwell on Regret

What is the difference between knowing and might? Isn’t knowing a previously trodded path? Isn’t might a path you have only just found? Regret sneaks up on a man in the tall grass. He walks the path of might and finds his legs covered in ticks. They are not fatal but no one really wants to have to deal with them. I love sweets but in recent times I have found myself less and less …

Wonders of this present world

Having kids has been one of the most interesting and inspiring things I have ever participated in. Participation is the right word too. To a certain degree, you have a say in how you conduct yourself. You have a say in how you dress, what you call yourself, are you a mean person, or a nice person. Many things about ourselves we have say over. However, the truly interesting things about a person are those …

Why Do

Why do anything at all? Why draw, build, create, carry on, or endure. Is there something to gain? Is there something beyond? Perhaps you take the view of the naturalist and see the genetic code of the human race as the thing that is beyond. As the thing that should be preserved above all else. A linage of thought and understanding suddenly awash in the nihilism of Weston and a universe that will eventually burn …

Where To From Here

The cliff shimmered of electric obsidian. Colors moved through the darkness ahead and cosmic leviathans shifted in their sleep. Is this really what I wanted? Did I want to hurl myself into the strange unknown with all its transcendent machinations? Could I even predict how I might change? What if I came out the other side something or someone I would hate today? The nebula pulsed wordlessly asking me if I had only come to …

Strange Death of Childhood or Anxiousness

Anxiety is a funny thing. I went through life up until I was about thirty-seven with little to no anxiety. I was pretty chill. Now I did have an anger problem early on but some confession and acknowledgment of the problem took care of it. You can only have an anger problem as long as you do not admit you have one and as long as you never admit it hurts you and the others …

Fasting to Greater Heights

Denial of something the body needs seems counter intuative in todays western world. We do not deny ourselves anything. Surgary drinks, one night stands, gudges, violence, and rancor of the highest order. We have made it a habit to gorge ourselves with somthing even if it is the blood of those we deam enemies. Fasting turns that on its head. Removing food from yourselfe for an extended period of time with the intent of spiritual …