In recent weeks the rowing of life has been slow and trying. A steady grind of always thinking I am not doing what I should be doing. I went on a relaxing camping trip and still had that sinking feeling. The feeling is like a constant nagging in the mind “you have forgotten something important.” I hate it.
What is this nagging that I feel? It seems like a wasted life. It feels like water running out of a broken vessel. That moment where you lay in bed and realize that you are not satisfied and your problems have only compounded. Sisyphus he shares a bloodline and occupation with you and your time is only something to be expelled into the nothingness of useless activity.
Reflection is the enemy of excessive activity. When I reflect, I can see that it is not the world that is turning too fast, but it is me. I am spinning this little globe as hard as I can. Even though it does not actually turn faster, I am exhausted from my efforts. When I reflect, when I meditate, I plug the holes and seal the cracks. My mind organizes, and I see what it is that I have missed.
Devotion, purpose, and motive they have withered or have I simply not tended the springs? So I once again open the windows to this rickety house called a mind and join my God in his words I find that this place has always been his, I am still His, and He is truly still mine.
Then we begin again, renewed and steadfast. Because only He is treasure only, He preserves only, He can truly satisfy.